its my story.

in just one day
Monday, January 19, 2009

my family is having the worst sadness ever.
grandfather is facing the worst.
i can only pray that he will be strong.

grandmother was admitted to the hospital yday.
i was by her side all along.
she didnt want to go to the hospital.
she was scared of the pain. the needles.
i was by her side all along.
it all happened in a snap.
her daughters and grand daughters tried so hard to convince her to say yes.
to agree to go to the hospital.
but her fear was too strong.

she faced me and put her arm around me.
and slept.
she was realy tired. really weak.
the rest of them, called the ambulance.
and made way.
i was still with her in the room, while the rest was busy getting her stuff ready for admin.
the paramedics finally came.
when she realised who the men in blue were, holding her and talking to her, it was all too late.
her eyes.
they really showed fear.

"nenek, jgn takot. sekejap aje" was all i could say to make her feel better.
i was the only one on the bed with her.
while the rest just stood by, looking.
she was really scared. she went speechless.
i went with her right until she was inside the ambulance.
my cousin followed her in.

we waited at the A&E.
mum still had her tears rolling.
while the rest of her siblings tried to put up a brave front.
mum's the youngest, thus that weakness.

the doctor finally came out.
confirming that she had a stroke.
and its only on her left part of the body.
everyone was speechless and grieved.
she had to be warded for further investigation.

we followed her all the way.
stayed all the way till midnight.
past midnight.
and everytime we see her, we talk to her,
tears kept on rolling down our faces.
it was all so sudden.

she used to be strong.
working.
independent.
and now, within a blink of an eye,
she became like that.
weak.
lying down.
and always dependent of people.

she was so weak.

i stood by her head.
stroking her hair.
speechless.
tears kept rolling down.
i just don't know what to say.

finaly, we had to go.
cos the next day is working day.
and the two kids have school.
i kissed her goodbye.
i was the last to kiss her goodbye.
i looked at her watery eyes
"nenek, tak mau nangis. nenek tido okay. yana pergi dulu"
i stared at those helpless eyes.
she looked at me, as if saying "don't go"
i dun want to go.
i wanted to stay there with her.

but i had to.

we looked at each other as i left.
i kept looking back.
and she was still looking.

oh grandmother.
i'll pray for you.
and i'll ask those who are with me to pray for you too.

:'(

earlier in the day,
grandfather and us went to visit his sister.
at SGH
the same hospital grandmother was admitted to after that visit
his sister fell down the toilet and needed operation.
she cried when she saw him
they told stories
and he cried too.
seeing her condition.

and when we reached home.
grandmother had that stroke.

grandfather suffered alot.
his sister. and his wife.

coincidentally enough.
dgn kuasa Allah.
grandmother was admitted to the same hospital as grandfather's sister.
the same block.
but grandmother, level 4.
his sister, level 5.
subhanAllah.

and it all hapened in one day.

mum cried alot.
she couldn't take it.
and when she cried, i will cry.

(now i know, why i can easily cry)
i got it from her genes.

and yea, well.
for those who know
during silat esp.
i cried.
cos i was sick.
but i pushed myself.
and it was at that moment, i couldn't control any longer.
its just burning.
my throat.
my fatigue.
i knew i was sick even before the trg.
but hmm i thought the trg would be okay to handle.
i was wrong.

with the new environment.
bigger space.
longer running route.
it was all too tough for me that day.
but i was stubborn, didnt want to stop.

at night.
it got worse.
i was so weak.
the coughing gets worst.
i felt cold even after i wore jacket and i covered myself in blankets.
i was weak.
i couldn't even sleep.

right now.
it adds on with flu.
more coughs.
sneezings included.

mum is still out.
to the hospital.
i wonder how she's handling herself there.
:(

all we could do now.
is to pray.

i miss grandmother.

LOVElife @ 10:18 PM